Real Love Never Goes Away

Well, you all are about to get to read about a side of me that I dont share with everyone often. So enjoy the read...

I've learned recently that it is entirely possible to love someone, but move forward into a relationship with someone else. I always thought I knew what love was, and what it felt like. But after I lost real love, I realize that I didnt have a clue.

Not too long ago I lost a man that I loved so much, because I allowed what other people said to me begin to cloud my judgement and make me doubt that they way he was treating me was genuine. I stopped trusting him, and as a result of snooping and spying, he walked out of my life. Initially, I was a wreck. I was drinking more than I should have, crying for what seemed like forever. I couldn't eat nor sleep, and probably looked like the walking dead, despite my best attempts to hide my pain.

This man moved on, and is now in a relationship. Initially, I was angry and hurt because it has only been a few months since we last saw one another, and I thought he moved on so quickly. I thought that is meant he never really cared about me if he wasnt feeling the hurt that I felt. Crazy and unusual things kept happening to me, which I guess was just God's way of keeping us apart. But him finding a new love was the wake up call that I needed to realize that for whatever reason, we weren't meant to be together, and it was only right for me to try to pick up the pieces of my heart and move on.

So I began to try to find ways to meet people. I had decided for the most part that I would stop taking recommendations from friends because thats what I'd been doing my whole life, and that wasn't working out so well. So I would smile more as I went through my day, and despite getting many smiles in return, I never got stopped on the street and asked out. I started partying like a rock star in order to get out and meet more people, but none reall caught my eye.

I even joined a dating website that some of my friends used to meet people. It was so highly regarded on the radio that I decided to give it a try. I hate that work and school take up so much of my time that I'm not able to get out there and mingle, but that's what's important right now, so I have to stay focused. Out of the many people who contacted me, I've only actually met one. And so far, he's a really good guy, with whom I have a lot in common. I'm taking things slowly, and will see if anything more than a friendship comes of it.

But the one thing that has not changed in the entire time since I learned that the last guy has a new girl is that I still love him. I wish him well in his new relationship, despite it not being with me. He deserves to be in love and to experience everything that love can offer him. He has been through a lot, and though he feels like he has to do it all by himself, I am glad that he is choosing to share the load he carries with someone else. Does me loving him keep me from being open to the possibility of being in love again? No, it doesn't. But it does help me to appreciate how real love feels, so that I can recognize it if I find it again.

Now my girlfriend's of course feel that I should be angry that he wasn't willing to work it out. That I'm crazy for wishing him well with this next woman. That I should continue to fight to get him back from her. But that isn't love. I love him enough to want him to be happy, and because of the petty thing I did that caused our separation, I can't blame him for feeling anything other than what he did. I hurt him because I didnt fully understand how he felt about me. That's my cross to carry. But I can say with certainty that I will love this man from now to eternity, but am more than sure that I will be in love with someone again when the time is right.