Yes, We Do Exist!

There are lots of women who are genuine Chicago Bears fans, better yet sports fans in general. And no, most of us don't dress like this one over here to the left. LOL. We watch the games, understand the calls and plays, and know the difference between a touchdown and a rebound. So why is it that every now and then, I still meet a guy whose jaw drops to the floor when on the first date (at a sports bar mind you) I'm talking about Cutler's lack of an offensive line leading to his large amount of near-sacks and sacks?

Or that I know what a triple double is, and what exactly constitutes travelling? Or maybe that I know what a face mask call is? And that I know what those cute little yellow pieces of cloth are called when the refs throw them out on the field? Or by golly, I know what a bunt looks like, and know what batting leadoff is?

I know there will always be women who only watch sports to be able to hang with their man and his buddies (to keep an eye on them more likely than not). I can't knock their hustle, and I'm sure the men in their lives are on to them. But there are many of us who enjoy the game, and are in it for more than beer and hot wings. So don't automatically assume that because I enjoy a good game, and will buy tix to go see one, that I'm a fake fan that doesn't understand the game, and can't have a real conversation about it.

True Intimacy

Recently, I've noticed more and more men who feel that they don't need to share themselves with their woman in order to have an intimate relationship. What I mean by that is that when these men are feeling low, going through stress or other emotional issues, they refuse to tell their women what is wrong, leaving the woman confused and feeling helpless. Although I understand that many men feel it is a man's job to deal with those situations on their own, often the woman feels as though the man doesn't trust her, or doesn't want her close enough to them to help them through their struggles. It leaves the woman feeling like an outsider, instead of part of a team.

So what causes this belief? What makes men feel that they should at all time keep their sorrows to themselves, and keep the women in their lives away from it, despite the woman's desire to help? I've seen it more and more, and though I understand men's reasoning, I feel that it is a major way to increase the intimacy and closeness in a relationship. When a person knows that their significant other is there for them, both in good and bad times, there is a special bond that is created that strengthens the relationship. Men and women process stress differently, but by internalizing all of their hurt and stress, aren't men then becoming colder and more distant from those they love? Feeling that one must carry all of the burden on their own cannot be a good feeling. But more often than not, this isn't the case, and by getting the pain out, a person can begin to heal. I'm not a therapist, these are just the random thoughts of Ms. ChiGyrl...

What is "Good Hair"?

Recently, I had a semi-militant AA (African-American) friend of mine post a status msg about why AA women should not relax their hair. Ok, so for everyone reading this who doesn't know, I'm an AA woman. I also relax my hair. Hair relaxers are a "not so secret" secret in the AA community, somewhere along the line of hair weaves (extensions). They are also a HUGE point of contention between those who have them, and those who do not.

There are some members of the AA community who relax their hair to conform to European standards of beauty. They are sometimes self-loathing, and think that their hair in it's natural state is "ugly". These people more likely than not, will never change their way of thinking, and will display this self loathing in more ways than a simple hairstyle choice.

My reason for relaxing is entirely different. I happen to have a hair texture that is weird to say the least. Not "nappy" as most would call it, but not the silky mixed-grade hair of most. I do extend the periods of time between relaxers because I know the chemicals themselves are not healthy, but relaxing makes my hair more easy to manage. It fits into my morning routine quite easily, and I only have to curl my hair once or twice a week, but the results last for days, without heavy sprays.

But I also love the look of textured styles, and will sometimes rock a curly 'fro with a rod/straw set, or braids in the summer. I think that my hair is sexy and fly both ways. So I am highly irritated when on of the "Nappy or Unhappy" crew tries to imply that I'm not "black" enough because I choose to relax. I hate to break it to them, but my hairstyle has absolutely nothing to do with what non-black society thinks about my hair. How about I change my hair up because I like the versatility. I know people rocking locs who spend ridiculous amounts on times getting tightened up. My trip to the Egyptian salon for a wash and blow out OR a touch up? Less than an hour and a half, EVERY time.

I find it especially interesting when people use the danger of chemical products as the basis for this assertion. But these same people wear lipstick, deodorant, perfume, cologne, use regular soap, shampoos and conditioners. Um, chemicals right? Especially when there is a debate on whether or not deodorant causes cancers. LMAO. But I dont see them taking it back to the Motherland and smelling au naturel.

Ethnic identity is about more than hair. While I acknowledge that there are those of us who hate our natural hair, I am not one of them, so PLEASE stop preaching to me. Cause me and the creamy crack have come a long way. And I'm not leaving it alone just yet.

It Could All Be So Simple...

...but you'd rather make it hard...

Well, so much for the great guy I was dating. A few weeks ago that crashed and burned. I thought this guy was really great. I hung out with him once or twice a week...until he told me that unless he saw me at least 3x a week, he didnt feel like we were dating. Huh? Now, I can fully understand seeing your mate 3-4x a week. But this guy felt like he needed to see me that often before he would even consider us being an item. That made me see the red light. If this guy wants 3 days before we get together, would he then expect 5-7 if we are a couple. Now as much as I liked the guy, there is no way I'd give someone half of my week BEFORE they decide they want to be with me. Why?

Because it then kills any opportunity I might have to meet someone else. I dont want to be "in limbo" with someone who wants to monopolize my time, without stepping up to the plate. Although I wasn't dating anyone else while I was seeing him, I never would have had time to meet anyone else had I given in to such an unusual request. Then, a month or so down the line when he decided he didn't want to be with me seriously, I would have missed many opportunities for a better match. I reeeeaaaalllly liked this one ya'll, but after I told him I would try to see him more often, but couldnt grant his 3 days request, he completely flipped out and became an a**hole. I mean, it got so bad one day that I had to tell him that I don't know who the h**l he was talking to, but I'm done listening to his disrespect. And there it was.

Now I even tried to speak to him a week or two later to make amends, and do you know that fool had the nerve to tell me to stop stalking him? Is he serious? All I could do was look at the computer screen and laugh at his egomania. I surely wasn't stalking him, but I thought it was hilarious that he would say someone was. I am soooo glad I didnt give him my "goodies". People will show you their true colors every time if you let them...

So, oh well, my dating trials and tribulations have continued...but the new situation is going on my private blog...sorry ya'll! LOL. If it works out, I'll let you in on it, but until then...

Later days,

MsChiGyrl

Randomosity...

Randomosity is where you'll find whatever thoughts are running through my mind. No specific blog topic, just tiny glimpses into the madness that is my brain....so let's go.

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom married? Really ya'll. This marriage and wedding has been pretty much been proven to be staged, but after 1 month of dating and some strange pre-nup post-wedding stipulation, this sounds like a hot a** mess from every angle. I am soooo *shaking my head* at you two and this foolishness.

Um, ok, so is anybody REALLY mad that we didn't get the Olympics here in Chicago? Ok, it may have been fun to watch 3 weeks of extraordinarily fit men run, jump, bike, swim, and whatever else they do at the Olympics. But was it really worth the damage to the city's infrastructure, budget, and way of life? I saw this as a thinly veiled attempt to further gentrify the city. So I was glad they didnt get it. I'm sure you won't agree, but this is my blog and I dont care. LOL.

Did my shoulda-been baby's daddy Method Man really have to turn himself in to jail for unpaid taxes and fines? I mean, I know he never hit mega star status as far as the money went, but for real? When I heard his Escalade got repo'd, I knew the recession was in full effect. :)

There are sooo many more random thoughts going through my mind at the moment. But it's homework and sleep time, so I'll keep em coming tomorrow. Later days people!